Sorry to Disappoint

I wish I could turn back time [leeanne], not because I'm underprepared for something or rather, even though UMAT is getting me a little stressed because I seem to be doing worse and worse each time. Drills are fine, doing quite well in those, but I seem to get more and more fatigued with every question; especially in Section 3. I've decided I'll probably have to wing it :) just do my best on the day, get some good night's sleep, drink some chicken essence (apparently that helps boosts energy levels :P) with Up n Go, a few bananas and Weetbix then do my best!

But I don't really want to talk that much on UMAT. Mainly about my piano competitions I talked about before. I really envy (that's too strong a word, but that's the gist) when people say they're going to do something, like pull off a concert and they do an excellent job, everybody loves them. I, on the other hand, feel quite stupid that I asked people for luck for piano competitions, and ended up relatively empty handed.

I managed a Highly Commended in an 18/u Recital Award and a Third place in a 16 and over 19th Century Section. I somehow feel I've let my parents, my teacher and my friends (those who knew about my competitions) down; I really wanted to be able to blog and tell them that I won some section and earned some money! But I guess that will have to wait. Like my teacher said when I told her how disappointed I was with myself: "How can you expect to do what everyone else does in 12 months, in just 2 weeks?! Who you think you are? Mozart?" I wish I was a genius like him.

But nevertheless, I learnt a lot this week, well last week really.

The first night, I was very very drilled on coming first and getting the 200 dollar prize. I knew in the back of my mind that I probably didn't have much of a chance, but considering how I came 2nd in the same section in year 10, certainly, I could get something this year! I got onto stage and momentarily forgot to relax, playing the piece in a rushed manner; the piano itself was very hard to manage, with its left pedal producing a very tinkly yet still muffled effect and my shirt was too tight too! so when I tried to cross my arms over to do a high note with my left hand in my Ravel piece called Ondine, I got stuck ==" Forgetting to relax was one of my biggest failures that night; playing or performing without enjoying the music, or enjoying whatever you're doing, can be really dangerous.

So I came back home quite upset, distraught that I could not do better, but my father, pulling one of his good stories of how he had gone through so many failures in the past and that, in a Chinese proverb "Failure is the mother of Success", I slowly gained my psychological strength to carry on, and the next night, I played Liszt Les Jeux D'eaux a la Villa D'Este, a piece about the playful water fountains, I took 3rd place! =) I was very happy with the way I played, because I had not needed to practice intensely and I simply relaxed, enjoyed it immensely, and finished off with a smile on my face. I was more than happy to receive 3rd place in an Open section. Still no money.

Then, after practicing for another few days for the Friday Kawai Award, I got on stage friday night and felt a massive wave of fatigue. I really wanted to stop and start off with the slower piece, but with time restrictions, I started off with Rigoletto (also by Liszt) and as a result, due to my mental tiredness, pretty much screwed up an otherwise good performance and piece. The Ondine I played afterwards was not much better; I guess I really lacked the stamina to practice 8-9 hours a day, then go through the adrenaline rushes and nervousness, then to play on stage in a good and ready mental state.

I vowed to stay fit and I guess this reflects upon my studies too. Without a good healthy body, and an enduring stamina, it'd be impossible to perform well in HSC's 3 hour exams! I read a book once and it likened piano playing to sport and pianist to athletes, who have to train their whole body for a performance as it is physically and mentally draining.

I guess this just means I have to do more exercise ==" damn! :P

Anyway, bearing all this in mind next time, I hope to perform much better next time and if I win lots of money next time, I'll be sure to shout dinner. maybe. if you're nice to me XP

see you all soon =)