I promised myself I'd blog more.
I know that once I'm a little older and maybe wiser too, I'd return to this place of memoirs and recollections to reminisce. Yet, time and time again, TV shows like House and well, mainly House, lure me into its cage of suspense and entertainment.
I actually DO want to watch the FIFA World Cup with someone, well, some people. So if anybody's staying up for a really good match anytime between these two weeks, I'm definitely up for it. =)
So, what to blog about?
There's definitely been lots of progressions in my GAP year, which I'm generally pleased about.
As you might have read from Bosco's blog, I went to IKEA the other day with him. He was nice enough to pick me up from my humble abode in the tranquil and very lovely Denistone. Bosco's driving is pretty good - he stays within the speed limit and though he says he's horrible at parking, he managed to park in the Rhodes Carpark without much trouble.
He couldn't believe it was my first time to IKEA. It was at that time that I realised I hadn't actually gone furniture shopping, or done any renovations around my house for over 6-7 years! Course, there was this new bathroom wardrobe we bought that my dad tried to build, which came down to a thundering crash onto our shower screen when he decided to have lunch; as well as a new bunk bed we bought for our guests during WYD. But apart from that, everything was pretty much the same from the year 4-5 onwards.
Oh, and we got a big KAWAI grand piano. That counts as furniture, right?
SWEDISH FOOD: I need to be more brave. I'm a little angry at myself for staying safe. For eating Pasta and Meatballs with Chips when clearly there were some traditional Swedish food (desserts and pastry) which I could have picked up - for a lower price too!
I swear, when I'm in Germany, I'm going to try and drink a different beer each time I dine and try different sausages. Only trouble is, I'm not sure how good the food in Germany is.
People who have been tell me it's VERY salty. I went to a gathering of my Piano Teacher's ex and current students at Pepper Lunch (which was pretty good though the $13.30 Eel Pepper rice didn't fill me up) and because they had been overseas before, they gave me much of the inside goss on how to survive the masterclasses and the place itself.
Turns out they were eating a lot of the German food when they realised they were gradually getting more and more fatigued. And they couldn't figure out why!
Then a smart ex-Ruse currently Yale University music student by the name of David Fung tells them how the salt in the food they ate was probably the cause of their exhaustion.
I'm going to be careful to drink lots of water there. Drain away the salt...and possibly the alcohol too :P
What was I talking about before? Right, IKEA and Swedish food.
Lunch was quite fun, catching up and discussing what Bosco is likely to become in the future, apart from being overly annoying and possibly wealthier. I really envy his course. It seems like there's soo much hands-on work and experience he's able to get. I really liked that in the Monash Medicine Course. Too bad I didn't do Chemistry when I was in High School, otherwise I'd probably be going there next year.
Right now, I'm blogging at home, in my sister's room and bed; keeping watch on her as she prepares for her maths test for Truong. Apparently if she fails another test, she has a chance of being kicked out of her class. So, being the good brother I am, I rummage around for my Yellow Fitzpatrick book and find all the Algebra Substitution, Expansion and Factorisation questions I can and write them all out. I kinda feel like a teacher. Makes me wish I went into tutoring and advertising myself. Again, I hate myself for hesitating. I honestly thought I wouldn't be good enough. Now it might be too late.
Moving on, I definitely have some good news to tell. (yay!)
I FINALLY WON SOMETHING BIG IN A COMPETITION!! =D
How shall I narrate this tale of disappointment to success?
Well, let me start 2 weeks ago.
On the last weekend of May, specifically on Sunday, I was entered into 5 sections of the Northern Beaches Eisteddfod. I honestly had no idea where it was and when I found the address:
Montgomery Theatre,
Australian Veterans Retirement Village,
Collaroy Plateau
D:
The last time I heard of Collaroy was, well, where we always went to for our overnight Camps.
I looked at Google Maps and found the place to be near Narrabeen (another place for camp, close to the beach and sea). I thought I'd be travelling for AGES.
Luckily for me, and for my Dad ( he doesn't drive much, he got his international licence like 20 years ago and has only started driving again recently D: a little scary, right? :P), it was only a 30 minute or so drive.
It was my first competition for a LONG time and honestly, I had no idea what to expect.
Performing is an art to perfect, master and experience. What performers find thrilling, is the fact that each and every time you perform is a different experience. There will be ups and downs to every single performance. And the most exciting part - is that it's unpredictable. Unbeknownst to the public audience, a single second loss in concentration, a minuscule memory lapse, a slip of the finger, arm, or foot or even the rude distraction of a phone call from the audience can put you totally off your equilibrium. Eventually, a good performer would regain his senses and focus, finishing his performance in a grand and conclusive style. But believe me, so much happens in your head when you're performing. So much.
To cut a very long and tiring day short, I did not return home very pleased with myself.
Not that I didn't practice long and hard for the competition. What I lacked, in retrospect that night, was performance experience. The experience to control the nerves, adrenaline rush, the mental voice that goes "Play faster. Screw playing all the right notes and controlling your hands, let yourself go!"
That voice, if you ever hear it anytime you're on stage - is the voice of Iago, tempting you and leading you astray, devilishly whispering directions you would usually never consider taking.
I was stupid enough to fall for it.
As a result, though the adjudicator noted my "Great energy in playing and emotionally uplifting. You are a virtuosic player but at present, lots of detail needs to be adhered to" she wouldn't award me anything higher than a Highly Commended.
She was an adjudicator who placed great emphasis on accuracy. She wanted all the right notes pressed and played clearly and with all the right phrases being done. Splash in a bit of dynamics and some rubato and you have a first place. It wasn't fair, I said to myself, my playing is musical, energetic, moving - I just play some wrong notes and rush a bit!
I returned home with a 3rd place and a handful of Highly Commended's. Essentially, I knew what I had to do. Play all the right notes and stay safe, secure and let in some of the adrenaline and joy of performing ONLY in short bursts.
I also knew one more thing. To master performing and all the nerves, I needed to do LOTS of it. I needed to overcome a major obstacle. To be able to perform an entire piece, fully focused and with the knowledge that I cannot make a single mistake. Only then, will I be able to play well. And win something.
Oh good Lord, I have written too much. I considered making a Part Two. Maybe I'll repost this later with some photos..just to spice things up.
Continuing on, the Monday after I finished the competition at Northern Beaches, I couldn't bear to play anymore. I didn't want to. I resented the fact that I couldn't play as well as I could. There was soo much in me but I had no means of delivering it - not without playing some wrong notes or losing control over my fingers.
Then, halfway through my third last episode of Season 1 House, the phone rang. It was my piano teacher, ringing to see how I went.
PT: Chris, you didn't ring me.
Me: Yeah, I know. I'd see you tomorrow anyway, thought I'd tell you then.
PT: How did you go then?
Me: Not so well. I couldn't control myself and made lots of slips. The adjudicator looked for the right notes and gave the prizes to boring typewriters who played all the right notes, but frankly, quite unmusically.
PT: You have what I would call, a wild tiger within you.
I laughed.
PT: I'm serious. And it's a good thing you do. It's only boring performers who don't have that within them. That energy and passion, David Fung, has that problem too.
Me: But he knows how to control it.
PT: Pretty much, yes. You need to perform more. Do you have any family friends, neighbours or anyone you can play to?
Me: Yeah.
PT: Well, play to them. Just keep playing to them until you can learn to control the adrenalin, nerves and focus on playing every little detail and note.
Me: I can ask my neighbours to come listen tomorrow. They're retired so they're quite free.
PT: Good, ask them. You'll need to play for your parents and anybody else.
Me: Hmmm, okay.
PT: Don't worry. You would have improved much more by the time Parramatta Eisteddfod comes along this coming weekend.
And I did. Much more.
The following week, I practiced like mad. Though not without a few scattered episodes of House here and there. I asked my neighbours to come watch me play my whole repertoire on Thursday Night. My mum returned from Hong Kong on Friday night, so I got her to listen to me too. And then I gave my dad a little concert on Saturday Night. I should have been paid for it.
But little did I know, that I actually was. My playing improved drastically over the 4-5 days and eventually Parramatta Eisteddfod, which was on the 5-6 June, sneaked up on me, a little like Nathan does before launching his attacks on my private areas.
Sonata Saturday
I played my first piece: a Beethoven Piano Sonata, Op.7 the 1st and 3rd Movements
Luckily, I was placed very close to the top in the playing order. It's such a relief when you get to play 1st, 2nd or 3rd. It's pretty much like English Speeches in Year 11 and 12.
The feeling of having spoken already in front of the whole class and all that was left, was waiting for your result and listening/watching the rest of your classmates suffer whilst they presented theirs is a feeling I related to. So much that as soon as I played, I left. Without knowing my result.
The middle aged ladies at the reception desk would always ask in a slightly sad tone: "Aw, leaving already?" and I would reply "Yes, to practice". My Piano Teacher would have been proud.
The Beautiful Ballade
That morning, I had two sections. An Open Section (under 8 minutes), where I could play practically anything I wanted. Just not anything I would repeat later on in the competition.
I played Chopin's Ballade No.1 and nailed it.
I focused my mind, constantly asking myself, what's next, what's next, what's next, focus and relax your forearms, pedal correctly, concentrate! Softer, louder, a little slower here. Later on, my dad would tell me that he observed everybody's reaction and facial expression whilst I was playing, and they were captured. Intent on watching every movement I made, reacting to every sound, the beautiful melodic line which occurs exactly three times in the piece, each time slightly varied in key and emotion and the dark, stormy and agitated parts scattered throughout.
But, as always, disaster strikes.
I was three-quarters my way through, almost approaching the fast Coda, appropriately namedPresto con Fuoco. Fast with fire. When all of a sudden, the perfect bubble of concentration and focus was burst by the ringing of the time bell. I had gone over 8 minutes!!
There was nothing for me to do. So I rushed. I pressed through, struggling a little at times with the Coda, it was definitely fast, lots of fire too - it was blazing hot with speed. But with slips.
I groaned in the inside. Why ruin my perfect moment?!?
Nevertheless, I picked myself up. I would not give up so easily and without pausing for a breath, regained control. I would end this well, and with dignity.
I absolutely nailed the ending. And as the final octave was struck, I heard the applause of the audience and smiled. I had finally played something I was, almost entirely, satisfied with. I was smiling when I walked off stage. =)
As I descended from the platform, I passed one of the old ladies, the Convenor, in fact, and what she said, really confirmed my view of my playing. That was beautiful, she said.
Then I left for home, to practice for the Piano Scholarship at 1pm.
Scholarship Sunday
I was more nervous for this section that any other section I was in before. With a cash prize of $2000, it was the most I'd get in a single section. The City of Sydney Eisteddfod had the highest cash prize of $500 and though they had a John Allison Scholarship worth around $10,000, I wasn't ready for that yet.
I have a confession.
Though I believe in God and I practice my faith every week, I am a little embarrassed to admit I'm a little superstitious. Not in the sense that I cannot walk into a building with an umbrella open, or that I have to avoid walking under a ladder, nor do I run away at the mere sight of a black cat.
It's more like a combination of karma and superstition. Being very hard to explain, I'll de-pause my story and continue on.
This time in the Piano Scholarship, I'm second to play. But the person who was first wasn't here. So here I was, agitated, a little shaky and slightly panicky, trying to figure out if I was going to be playing first or not. Like I said earlier, waiting is painstaking.
Within what felt like several minutes, I'm called up and I play my Prelude + Fugue in G# minor by Bach first. The problem with this piece derives from the absence of pedal and its time period. With Romantic music, the pedal easily muffles a wrong note and a few slips are hardly noticed to an untrained ear. With Baroque music, there is no use for the pedal - each wrong or correct note was clear as daylight. My complete concentration was vital.
But as always, disaster strikes.
Halfway through my Fugue, and to my utter dismay, I began to lose concentration. Forcing myself to think harder, my mind would only work in the opposite, drifting off to some other thought like whether I would win the competition, what the adjudicator thought of me. NO!!! I screamed inwardly, I can't afford to go down now !
Though I ended the P+F relatively well, I was starting to get hot and what occurred on a particular HSC Recital Night sprung out of remission.
The glare of the spotlight, along with the very passionate and fast-paced Russian dance piece that was next (Lyapunov's Lesghinka), resulted in sweat. Sweat that was very quickly trickling towards my eyes!
How was one supposed to concentrate, when there was sweat running down your face and towards your eyes, endangering your chances of seeing which keys you were placing? Moreover, my mind was tired, almost exhausted.
I had gone home for lunch, not just for lunch, but also to practice. After going over the time limit, I raced home to time my next set of pieces. And then repractice them so they would be ready for the Piano Scholarship.
My mind was just too tired. Not only from the morning practice, morning session, afternoon practice and all the nerves, but also from forcing myself to concentrate intensely. With an exam, you just have to control your pen movements and brain, but with piano, you have to control your brain, both hands and fingers, your arms, shoulders, and both feet for the pedals and still have time to concentrate on what's ahead in the music that you had memorised.
Nevertheless, I managed to nail it. phew.
But I wasn't very happy with my playing. The true concentration, focus, attention to detail and perfection wasn't there. There were slips here and there - I could have done better. I returned from the stage exhausted and panting.
I really didn't expect to win a prize - but I knew I improved lots and that was something to be happy about.
1, 2, skip a few..
By the time the adjudicator was preparing for her results, I had already almost finished this new book my dad had bought me (more on that in another blogpost, maybe XD).
and by the time she started announcing the results, I didn't close the book. I nervously closed and re-opened the book each time I heard results were announced, eager, yet anxious.
This was where my superstitions kicked in.
If I felt too confident, the chances of me getting it were nil.
If I felt more unconfident, there was a slim chance, well, that I had a chance.
I literally twitched every time I heard the sound 't' come out of the adjudicator's mouth. I dreaded the fact that I would get a Highly commended or Third, Second prize, albeit my knowing that I would eventually come to terms with it.
Third place, rolled in - went to this girl, younger than I was,
Second place - another girl younger than I was.
First place.
I sat there, whilst she commented slightly on his playing. She mentioned how she looked at the spectrum of places he was playing throughout the competition - the level of difficulty and how well I had mastered most of the difficulties. She mentioned the rhythmic drive and energy within his second piece in the Piano Scholarship and how it was powerful and...without many mistakes.
I returned to my book - that person could not have been me.
"So first place, goes to Competitor Number... 2"
No way!!
I could hardly believe it was me and the utterly incredulous look on my face hardly counted for my surprise. I became immediately very grateful, thanking the adjudicator, convenor and Patron of the Eisteddfod countlessly. The trophy felt heavy in my hands and the $2000 cash envelope I received was just as satisfying and rewarding.
I had finally won something big. Finally.
Thanks for reading so far...I felt that surely I had written too much. I really tried to make it an interesting read and perhaps, within your frequent periods of procrastination for exams, you'd have time to read through my most recent two weeks of adventure =)
It's funny how in retrospect, all sufferings, hardships and all crazy adventures you've ever had bite you in the arse, only to make you stronger, help you to learn and they eventually become to most memorable events and journeys in life.
So who's up for overseas holidays? Camping trips? Volunteering? (I got an email from Blackmores, anybody interested? :D)
I can't decide whether to lead a life of 'working hard to earn good money' or to take a more laid-back view of life - 'enjoy life, go and have fun, take risks and give everything a shot'. It's the irony of living in the laid-back Australian community though raised by strict Asian parents who strive for their children to have a high financial and social status.
Photo Time!
First up, My Trophy on top of my grand piano. The two balls in the background don't do much for the photo. Is the crystal in the middle real? Of course ! :P
And now, let me introduce to you my very own creation. From the blistering hot ovens of Denistone, a unique and irresistibly scrumptious pizza. I call it the Humpty Dumpty Supreme.
Encased with a generous amount of mushrooms, tomatoes, red AND green capsicum with a sure and solid foundation of tomato pizza sauce and salami, if only the pizza base was actually pizza base instead of Lebanese bread >___<, it would have been perfecto!
And here's me, diving into my beloved home made pizzas - everything's much better homemade.
The pizza one my left is a seafood one. Avocado, garlic prawns, mixed herbs, just to name a few of the ingredients =)
Well, something you might all be wondering, what am I going to be spending my money on? Probably to see what's inside this building...
I present to you the Vienna State Opera House. I LOVE the lights, it makes the place so much more attractive and alluring. Somehow, just being able to enter and watch a concert inside would make me feel like I'm part of Higher Society XD it's a totally different atmosphere.
Oh, and hopefully, I'll be watching a concert in here too...
How absolutely beautiful are the paintings on the wall. This is the Vienna Mozart House. They usually have concerts inside, though I'm not sure they'll be very big concerts. It'll be a good experience, hopefully good musicians will be playing! OH OH ! and if they were wearing the traditional clothing of say, the 18th century - that would totally make my day !! =D
I'm going to end my blog post here.
I've said more than enough and if you're reading this to procrastinate - you should probably get back to work now XD
I'm still having trouble deciding what I want for the future. So please pray for me, if you believe it will make my decision easier. I'll talk more about that next time.
Ciao for now =)
PS. I send all the people at Uni with exams my BEST wishes. Don't give up !
